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    Sexual purity when dating after divorce

    Feeling as if something or someone has died takes most divorcees by surprise, especially if their marriages were difficult.

    But despite those differences, there are some similarities across the board.

    sounds like a negative thing to a lot of people, and it usually conjures up imagery of chastity belts and other old-fashioned practices to protect purity at all costs. It helps us master ourselves, maintain our dignity, and draw us closer to God.

    Suffering the loss of physical intimacy is one of the greatest struggles for anyone who’s been divorced. This struggle is compounded by the uncertainty of how long they will have to endure the loss of physical intimacy.

    Q: “My girlfriend and I are Christians but we are sexually active.

    We know we are in the wrong and that God’s teaching tells us to be pure and wait till we are married.

    But what does starting over after divorce look like? You cannot see the forest for the trees; you cannot see around the bend.

    We more than likely never dreamed we'd be on our own, so we never bothered to prepare for that circumstance. Or, if the marriage was extraordinarily difficult, we may find ourselves resisting feelings of relief and excitement, emotions that seem wrong and that invoke guilt.

    This is why dating and becoming sexually intimate with someone else sounds like it would be just what the doctor ordered for your lonely heart and you’ve more than likely already been told by friends or family that you should just get back out there and find someone new to make you happy. But if you look at celibacy from the other side of the spectrum, you might feel differently.

    Living a celibate lifestyle has some surprising benefits that not only help you along the path to healing, they actually transform your relationships. Chastity includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery which is a training in human freedom.

    i writer Betsy St Amant writes this about the initial feelings you may experience after your marriage ends.

    “It’s okay-- Not “it’s going to be okay” which you have already heard and don’t believe yet, but rather—“it’s okay”. Exactly where you are, exactly what you feel, in this moment, right this second – it’s okay.” Whether you’re feeling betrayed, relieved, incredibly angry, horribly sad—whatever your experience is right now, understanding that experience and being able to process those emotions are huge steps toward finding peace and moving on with your life.

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